Lecture

As had been moody and grumpy for couple of days last week.As I had in my mind of three other grown up kids, sometimes I lost the plot with him. Probably as he are mix and socialise with people around who are older than him, sometimes I behave like he is one. But, his not. Of course as eight years old kid, he will have his up and down. He will crave the attention especially being the youngest in the family, for the time being!  (Only Allah know what's gonna come in the future, so I dare to say he is the youngest forever).

He is at some point is spoil. He didn't go to bed as in bed time as little kids as the others. The others will go to bed around 8-8.30 pm. As I was less busy while he is still little, (while with the others, when I start working full time, PS was only five years old), he got to join more with our other activities as the older had to do such as taraweeh prayer and magrib and insya prayer in the summer. Which had lead him to getting used going to bed at the same time as all other family member. Alhamdulillah since age four and a half, he seems had completed nearly three quaters of his insya prayer during that four years. He also had join taraweeh prayer since he is four and half years old with motivation and determination. Almost complete each day with less than one hand been left due to sleep.

Still he is eight years old. Still he will at some point behave like and eight years old. Hub sometimes did tell him off, if  his voice imitated a toddler. None of my kids actually used to talk with baby talk except MS whose still mumble until age three and hard to understand. But, none of them actually sound like half way through a words. All of them will say a complete words each time. Not at all sound babyish. Therefore if As imitate the babyish sound and the words not sound complete, it will be very annoying to us, well hub especially.

At some point , I think we almost forget that he is still younger kid. I do realise from time to time possibly because he live with older people, kid in that kind of environment intend to class as clever than collect more info than the one that not. Sometime we forget that they might gain more knowledge and info, but psychological needs, emotional and maturity is not reach the same knowledge and level of thinking that they had.

I'm always out this into my mind. Which had leave me to be class as spoil him from the my other kids point of view. Especially PS of course. Being the eldest in the family, of course she will be the one who had been brought up with full discipline. Also as the others who had been brought up in the situation that I had to work hard to help our family financially, they used to been in the chat of understand ummi situation and feelings. This is a very less case with AS.

Yesterday I just remind myself how I was always talk about my feeling with AS. Like I used to with the others when they small. AS he was being moody and grumpy these couple of days, which to ensure he getting on with his school work, I had try to be patient with the moody face to get the work done. The thing is, if he start to be moody and we already start with some work, he will determine to finish the work, even I told him to go and just do what he want to. All the time it's not the case of study or learning, but other things. Such wanted something small or someone cannot fulfil or help him getting something or do something. Small things unfortunately had impact his moods sometimes for half of the day.

Well, at some point he is also a mirror of myself. Moody with tiny things, easy to get grumpy and won't leave things easy. The bad mood is hard to throw away! Just like I was when I was small. But, the greatest strength of me that he had was high motivation, know what he want and will stick and continue his aim and target.

Anyway, he weakness that he got is not good at all to him especially and will effect my day through out. Therefore yesterday I think it's about time. To push him away because I just fed up or cannot comprehend or had a patient to argue is no good. The best things is as what I had done with others. Sit and talk and giving some lecture about the whole situation, my feeling, my emotion and my patient. All the others are used to have to think about how I feel first than what they feel when they are at that age and when they small. Because life is not always turn into what they want or what they desire. This nagging will be become a bad habit although at some point it was a small things that easy to fulfil. Kids will always push us to the edge with small thing which we think it's easy to give up than stood up. I had done many giving up with AS which I am always stood up on my feet firm with others.

Well, when the age getting older, we are in some way having more wisdom towards things and others around us. Which is good at some point, but this is one of the reason that the youngest in the family is spoilt as well. I am trying not to let my much wisdom act, controlling somewhat needed firm the kids needs.

Yesterday I decided to pull a chat as AS started to pull moody face. I told him that I cannot keep my patient much anymore. It's not fair with me. I had to keep upset and be patient all the time. How about him? He need to pull his weight as well on pushing his need that some of the time are nonsense but just to pull more attention. Like he didn't get an attention! But, I guess being an eight years old whose parents being surround by two teenager and one pre teenager can be really daunting sometimes which make him getting less attention and the chat that he need. I am almost forget sometimes Probably I had pull so many chat like that when the other three was small. talking about how tired I am after work. How I need their help, how we are tight financially and how we had to pull out weight to help each other and support each other. I used to talk with full feeling and emotion that will create tears in their eyes. Although most of the time I wasn't actually tired or feel bad at all, but I will pull the act to create sorry feeling in them for me in order to make them understand at some point that life is not just play and easy going. This had been my games with the other three which help into create lots of sympathy, responsibility and empathy in them. To be empathy with other, for me is very important.

Alhamdulillah of course the lecture is working with AS. I just realise as soon as we had our little chat with my firm voice, that this is what he need. me to be more firm with him. This is always what below ten years old need. Firmness from the parents, but most of the time we think they need what they show us, attention.

I know that I will have to had many of this conversation from time to time with AS again and again. Usually when he was moody and grumpy, I will just let him off away from my face. He will than be like that for hours and hours although most of the time, the moody is not from me and about me! But, I said to him that I he is the one who will be a looser in his later future. Life is not always as we want. Life is not going to listen to us all the time. Acting and behave hard to ourself will only make us looser, not others. Nobody will care. We will have to act upon how we behave. Neither me will care at the end. He is my son, but I am here to be responsible to him, but if he did not want to help pull himself together, I don't bother to be there for him. Although of course in my heart and mind, I will have to take some part of responsibility and will not let him off letting himself into miserable. As a mother that had been given responsibility by Allah swt, I had in some way find a way and will never give up. I believe there always be a way that sometimes we be blinded of because of our ego as a parents or another problem we had in life. Kids is always in some way a victim of parents problem. We sometimes get so much into our own problem and our ego also had taken much of our decision making.

Which is why I think parents had to be professional in way of thinking and not let their own problem and emotion run down of how we deliver our responsibility towards our kids.

I am still due to a chat with PS alone. She's fine, but I think she is in need having a time off with me alone. Most of the time, I forgot that they do need attention from me only for themselves as having the other sibling all the time around mean the time will be divided almost every time. Especially since she started her online school. I do have some extra time alone with MS who usually help me around or in deed had to come with me even with a small reason such as going to recycling centre. I had in some way got to depends on MS as my mahram and help me around more as a big man, Alhamdulillah. But, PS most of the time stuck with her school and lots of homework.

S is in the middle of tickling my head and nerves. Although I take it easily all the time. She is the one who was the most quiet in the family, now had become someone who are very challenging to confront with. Cheeky probably the suitable word for her at the moment. She will get her own way with the smartest behaviour than all. She is in some way a true British! How she don't actually think she is Malaysian. In subtle way, she get what she want! She also conquer her siblings in her own way! I just cannot imagine, she will be much more challenging than PS, which I don't think will give me too much stress, but just a challenge that I am ready now to confront. Just make me smile inside to see how my four kids , all giving me their own set of challenge!

I remember, elderly people back in home country used to tell story, that when you had hard time with the kids at some point, they will be your heaven at the other point. I saw MS, and think how hard it was when he was small. How it was hard for me to have to stood and firm with him. To have to fight with his anger. But, Subhana Allah.....he is my calmness now, although he did sometimes get on my nerves, but still....Than I look at PS before when she was small. How she is the one that is my hope, my intelligent and brilliant responsible daughter. Not that she is not now, but the challenge came after. Than it was S, who also is the most easiest one to look after when she was small. Imagine, at the age of 4-5 months, she will sit in her walker and fall as sleep in there as I sometimes forgot about her at all! (what happen is all my kids will wake up around 6-7 am when they small, than around 8-9 am, I will give them shower and change them and feed them, than by 10- 10.30 am they will go back to sleep. The same routine continue until they were at least one years old. after they wake up, I will put them on the floor or in the walker is they are four + month old. I will than get on with my routine of getting the other ready to school and cleaning. Sometimes I was busy, that I forget about S until around 10 am, she will fall as sleep on her own in the walker without changing and feeding! that is how good she is, Masya Allah!) She was still quiet until recently when she reach the number 11! Oh, how she change! Even all of us, especially PS notice the change so much. Sometimes it can be amazing topic for us as we (me and kids especially) love to talk about human nature. And how we see change in ourself or in them! I am now expecting some bigger challenge from S looking at how quiet and good she used to.

I even look back at some other stories. How good lots of kids are when they small and even before they get married, than things started to change! I had seen lots of change in people around me after their marriage life. Lots of them who are hard to look after and giving bi challenge to the parents before marriage, had actually come out the best after marriage. Lots of who seems forgotten because they are so easy to look after that nobody notice their existent, had actually giving unexpected challenging that will shock badly! I am preparing myself and trying to rectify this before the time come. I had in some way looking back into people from where we came from, not from the other with different background, culture and language. Because even our kids are brought up in different environment and mentality from back home, we as a parents cannot deny that our mentality and upbringing still playing a big role in our role as parents. Although we had been in foreign land and had change us into different perspective, still we will had that sort of way of thinking which many of the experience will had to be learn from people that come from the same background and culture as us.

Subhana Allah...what an experience of bringing up the kids..and the need of twisting the way and learning new experience from day to day.