Ramadhan nearly leaving us

Subahna Allah...how Ramadhan is rapidly moving fast. Alhamdulillah 18-19 hours fasting nearly done with successful. wasn't sure before for AS although deep in my heart I know this boy will make it although if he ever find it hard. He is the most highly motivated among all my kids...I just love it..may be because this is how I am..I am always a determine person Alhamdulillah. Although I seems to not be moving according to what plan, but I do have my target in my mind that I know with the will of Allah, Insya Allah I try my best.

The other of course should be able to go by the day as normal. Even it was so much barakah I think in this long fasting day, Alhamdulillah.

Two days ago on the day of 24th Ramadhan, we were easting our iftar. I cooked lamb grill and MS is talking about how nice this lamb grill is. Than he said that because of my little incident, kids got to help in the kitchen more and learn more about cooking.

Than S said, " Ya..Allah make things happen for a reason of course.." Follow with similar quote by AS.

I smile inside..Alhamdulillah kids do grasp the reality of life. I know they did. But, hearing my last two youngest one said that make me feel grateful. This is for me the important part of what I want them to learn. To realise the reality of live. To have clear my mind and heart when things happen, the consequence, how to deal, how to cope and the important is what we think first and foremost when something happen. Which for me lots of us had fail sometimes to recognise when things happen in our daily life. This is the reality. Illness, sickness, death, lost job, accident. To be able to have set in mind of when things like this happen, what is the first and foremost should we think off. This will help and teach us to cope with whatever coming in the future.

We started to make some more eid cookies. Also start to tidy up around. I try to increase my quran reading as I am waiting for me to be off from fasting and reading quran. I constantly remind kids on what good behaviour they should try to keep after ramadhan end and what bad behaviour they should not bring back after ramadhan finish.

I am actually started to schedule up our homeschool for after eid. MS will be in year 9. S will go to year 7, which in school term mean she moving from primary to secondary school and from Key stage 2 to key stage 3. So, more hard work will face her now. AS moving from Key stage 1 year 3 to Key stage 2 , year 4. So more hard work for him as well. So we sit together and discuss about how we had to try to sort our school out in 'school time'.

Why?

We always had the boys friends come over after school. I cannot actually push them out. It's not nice for them as they are nice kids. Although they might not come everyday, but it can be every day or every other day. So, I decided that as they all are moving forward to a big stage, they had to start working hard think about their future. Future for me is not actually big ambition on duniya to be honest, but have some target to meet and know that without hard work, even to live our life will be hard. Especially with PS and MS now, we start talking about course they interested to take and also what they specialise and good with and skills they had with what they want. I wasn't worries about PS in a way. For me university degree or diploma or whatever academic certification is not important. But her skill in organising, knowing what to do around the house, to be in control and manage is what important for a girl who will grow up wanted to not to be a muslim wife and mother. So, no question about fancy academic courses, job and ambition. Alhamdulillah she didn't have big ambition in term of that which I reckon come from constantly talk, chat and discussion between us. Although at the end it seem like she might not have target in term of duniya, and not much in term of akhirat in her mind, but in practise is different. She just know how to manage, how to control kids, how to meet target in her job, how to make sure she try her best, although at some point she do be lazy when her hormone was up and down. But, she now know how to control her self and notice what change in herself. She just mature through out reality of live. She just know how to deal with things that come expected or unexpected. That is good enough for me..and the most important point for her life in the future.

With MS is different of course. My target?? he is a boy who will sooner or later in the far future will get married and have responsibility to look after his own family. The main source for the family. He learn and recognise how all rezki is coming from Allah, but still we been given brain to think and ability to work upon. All my kids know and understand this. But, I do put pressure for him that as someone who will be a man in the house, his responsibility will be more outside the house and different pressure with the responsibility with woman. So, he need to have a target to stabilize himself financially in the future not for my sake but for his sake and his future family..oh yes...My head is far ahead actually..that far..yes..He is 14, he will be 24 in 4 years time. If he start alim course next year, he will be finish when he was either 20 or 21. Possibly after than he can catch up with his degree or uni. He can always do his A level at the same time his alim. We wasn't sure much at the moment until I can get confirmation with the new Madrasah in Newcastle about the boy full time course for alim.

Ms is sooo good in term of design and produce things. At the moment he design and make lots of guns. yes guns..I didn't like it before. But, they had a group of teenager which design and make guns from X box games 'halo reach'. I didn't agree with him before and think it might be too scare for me but he keep assuring me that this is the weapon for the game only. I had to say, from he first start until now, he had improve so much in term of making it from planning, design until his project done and upload the video in you tube. it sound violent for me at first, but ermm..boys with gun is sort of normal at the end of the day. We cannot pull them from weapon because we think it's violent. They not going to learn about violent and danger otherwise. So, he learn a lots about safety and the rules and regulation of weapon for different county especially comparing UK and US. He been choosing for the top ten to attend this famous you tube guy for making things to join the tutorial making. But, unfortunately it's in Canada! He is at the moment if working hard on his project to join a competition in you tube.

MS ambition before is to be a vet. He had broad knowledge of animal, yes. But according to his skill, he better off taking Design and Engineering like his dad. His drawing will surprise even Design Engineer. Yes, we rarely actually doing design and technology at home. I really want hub to involve and teach him especially, but he taught him self with it. So, after eid we will sit down both of us and talk about how and what should we do for his future courses apart from alin course.

With PS, although I can trust her, but still I put some space in my mind that after I had keep her at home, teach her with Islamic value and the good way of living, sending her to open and mix college and University is still scare me. Because? Because mix uni will have lots of fitnah and why after all this year looking and try to give her the best and try to avoid her in fitnah, suddenly i wanted to throw her in it? There are plenty of distance learning and we still talking about what interest her to take. She want to do some part time art course. Probably with adult education after she's officially 16 years old in her birth certificate. I know that she will not want to be in mix college with surrounding with young free teenager anyway. I had to keep forcing her to go to the youth club at the church next door but she still not feel good to be around teenager which don't have the same value as her. Even with teenage muslim who not practising properly, she didn't like much. But, we know the priest and his wife quiet well and it's only next door to us. I told her she need to try to mix and I know she will only compound herself with the girls only. Plus the priest and his wife got high value of life. They don't drink and try to teach this kids value of life. I know that they love to have PS and MS which can become example of the kids who live with value of life. We'll see how after eid. But, sending her to college wasn't my choice at the moment. She also know that is she want to do some courses in Uni, it has to b nearby Uni where I will send and pick her up. Not that she cannot be trusted like I said, but as we teach and learn about being among mahram, that kids especially girl will be under parents until they married, she understand that clearly. I was open up, but at some occasion, I try hard not to open the hole. I make door and windows, but not hole! Because once the hole had open, it's hard to close it back. Door and window, we can always close it back. I am always insist that I want my kids to open up and be able to go out without any incident when the time come. But, with girl, although I can fully trust her, but shariah said different especially for girls. So I cannot stick to my trust but stick to the law of Islam and advice from eldest.

I am starting to prepare for eid but not extravagance at all. Only MS got new thobe as his old one is way small. Others just make used what we got. But as usual, as days, weeks and years pass by, hub had build circle of friends, means I had to prepare for guests to come. As he take days off, I think that first day of eid be it! Plus I know that I owe many people to bring have eid with us as they far away from extended family. As I cannot pray and fast for this last couple of days, I know that Allah swt had make it easy for me to entertain others.

Ramadhan 1432 day 22-23

Both day 22 and 23 of ramadhan, we had my friend two kids to look after again. She just ask me on Sunday as the nursery is still close. I don't mind, Alhamdulillah. She came early at 7am to send them as she had to drive for another half and hour to her work place, a GP. Her husband had to work night shift on that day.

I went back to sleep after that as PS and S , both manage to look after the kids on their own. I'm only just next door anyway. The 18 months old H cried when she first came in as usual. But settle down quickly this time and start playing. Her sister just love being here with both my daughters.

Later in the afternoon, I plan to bring them to the park, but the park was so full of kids which PS said no way we should go. PS don't like much in crowded place unless there are an event where we cannot avoid many people such in the air show. I was like that as well actually. Long time ago when she was small, I was wondering is she's going to be a shy one! Oh dear. When we had man jamaat eating in my mum house, you know all this people with their sunnah beard, she will to them and sit among them. She was like 2 and half years old. MS who also still small will just peek through the curtain!

My hub always said that the important for the kids especially daughter is for them to have shyness. Without it, it can be very difficult. PS had grown up to be the one who is very friendly. She can sort her self our with anybody. I was a bit worried. Alhamdulillah during her teenage world, she gradually back off herself. Although at some point I think she had become 'scared' because of lack socialisation. I had to push her a bit to get along with new people. But, to look back, it took 5-10 minutes for her and she just know how to react and entertain others. She did mention sometimes because she didn't have much friend around. But, hey..we had plenty people through our door from time to time. Only she might not have someone most of the time same age as her. The situation in some way had teach her to get along with all different age of group. Which I reckon the benefit of homeschool. Where kids not just stay among their own age group.

I do had a bit of socialisation problem as I don't have much someone my age or teenager during my homeschool time. I had lack of confident big time. Sometimes I do worries if this will have the same impact on her as well. But not really. I like the idea that she will have a bit of lay back when it's come into group peers and things like that. It's good that she not that brave in some way but always know when she had to confront with new people. She also more into house bound as well. Not just her but MS as well. I guess it's being a teenager. Only is that it wasn't in bad way where they sit in their room and trap in their own fantasy world. May be because we always had two way communication. All of them cannot leave without talking on each other and with me or hub. I would say, no secret lay behind their feeling, Alhamdulillah.

As we cannot stop at the park, I was thinking where to go and suddenly I saw a new halal shop. I thought we better stop there and have a look. It's a new Mediterranean shop which also sell halal meat. The owner is an Iraqi, a lecturer in University nearby. He told me that he got the meat from HMC approved supplier. I need a chicken as none at home after guests the other night before. But, I wasn't sure with the flyer of HMC certified supplier. I need the shop it self being certified HMC halal shop. So, I said to him that it's good if he got the certification direct from HMC himself. I told him that I had to travel to Newcastle every time to get halal meat. He said he will try. Unfortunately for me, it was quiet hard to take the words in just like that. Business these day is quiet hard to trust unless we know the person. Although the owner looks like someone can be trusted, but having the shop certified is better for me.

We than back home and I start cooking which is quiet early. I was still a bit tired from the day before cooking for all the guest. But than I though I want to give some food to my friend when she came to fetch her kids. I felt sorry for her. I know how it feel to go to work and with two small kids with no help and had to go home and cook. Plus it's ramadhan.

When hub arrived home, he cam into the kitchen and said, " You cook early today".

I just smile and told him I wanted to give some food to E. While I got a chance to feed someone who will appreciate even though a small amount of food. Plus I feel grateful to Allah that always there to give me a chance to increase my rewards. It's always amazing how He always send something for me to increase my reward in front of my face with me had to go and find around. Which is why, I'm always cannot say no. Because every opportunity been put in front of my face by Allah every time. I don't have to plan out anything to gain the reward. But it's always been send out to me just in front of my eyes.

These day I was cooking with little help from kids. My hand is getting there although I cannot pick up any heave things at all for sometime to come. So, I decided to give kids a bit of time off especially MS as his friends will go back to school soon. PS got some cuts on her left hand which quiet bad, so she cannot do the washing up dishes which left to MS to do them. So, I try as much as I can to work on my own with some help here and there from them.

I can be very harsh at some point, but sometimes especially in this ramadhan I do let the kids get away with. I do always remember as well in the Adab Al Mufrat about being kind to the kids. Can be read here. It's actually good to have the book of it. By the way I do saw lots of this on my parents. Even though they used to be harsh at some point, but lenient at some other point. My mum can sew, cook good food and things like that. But, she didn't actually make me do things on my own except I was on my own at home or I wanted to cook and things like that. She always manage to do everything. I am only know how to cook most of it after marriage. At the same time I had become fussy and never let my husband in the kitchen and I will cook, tidy and serve him like my mum did. Looking after family with her own hand. She don't actually ask much help from her kids. She serve the kids as she is the mum who do everything. But, in some way I don't think that we are spoil. Even my sister who already marriage, she just know what do on her own. She was married at 17 years old. She never actually do any cooking at home before. Not much of any lesson of survival, but she manage everything on her own now with 3 kids, doing her own business and running the house. What found out that we actually grasp the idea from the example from our parents. We not been teach or been told much, but their practical is the best example that we see in our day to day.

I remember hub Japanese friend said, "Kids don't listen much to what you said, but they see example from what you do."

There are time when I felt lazy as hormone bite me! I guess sometimes I used excuse as kids are grown up that they need to learn things to be able to survive. But, ermm..I don't really do much before I was marriage, (although I make thousand of cookies to sell, but that was on my own interest) still I manage everything on my own and survive without much help at all from hub. I serve him and manage with everything in and out the house. So, my intention after this is actually to be more active again around the house to put everything on top mostly on my own. Before kids did lots of jobs around with the house chores. Bathroom, hovering, clothes and etc. I havent' done much around on some of the things. I haven't been cleaning the toilet or bathroom for ages. But, I guess I will start to move around again in order to show them that I am the mum who will in some way serve them and show them kindness towards my daily routine. I am trying to mix my own expectation to wanted the kids not been spoil and my own experience which actually learning less when I was a kids, but the example that be shown by my parents had actually stay with me. In some other word, they never selfish. Because I was thinking and felt that sometimes I might be too selfish using many of reason that I need their help to do this and that or they should fulfil this and that as for their chores. As we stay home and work as a team.

MS is going to be in year 9. We cannot be sure if we going to be able to send him to madrasah at this time of financial situation. So I was looking at opportunity for part time alim in nearby Newcastle madrasah. They already had full time alimah for the girls. Which PS had agree to start after her GCSE, Alhamdulillah. I wanted to send her to boarding in Al kautsar which will only take 2 years as it be done in English. Mean all the subject, going through the whole understanding quran, Bukhari hadith, Fikh and seerah, tauhid, all in english and some arabic language. But, she didn't like the idea of staying in boarding. So, I had to negotiate. The only thing is in Newcastle madrasah it will be daily 9-12 Mondy to Thursday. Which mean I had to go and send her and pick her up. Plus she will learn all kitab in urdu and arabic. Which also mean she will have to master urdu and arabic. Thus it will take 6 years as normal full time alimah. I guest, it's fine if she agree with that length. It's good actually to be able to do that for 6 years which mean she will go through original book of it rather than translation in English.

At the moment it was part time for boys in the evening. While they sorting out building they had bought. I do hope that next year they can start the proper day time for boys which mean I can send MS and PS both at the same time. We'll see how things goes. But, I am already will get hub to book a place for boarding in Madrasah for AS. He is looking for it in 3 years time from now!

Day 23 we had the girls again. We plan to bring them out to the indoor adventure play area. But than their father fetch them around 10am when we just getting ready to go out. I think because he think he was near to my house than her wife work place. But, as MS already wanted to bring his two friends, we went anyway. Last time we went there with some friends from Coventry two years ago. The place only about 10 minutes away. from where we live. From there we went to Winter Garden and Museum and than off to the nearby park. MS really wanted to bring his friends somewhere, so I thought this is the only chance while they are in school holidays which will end soon. Both his friends are English non muslim, but full of manners. They both love staying in our hosue which during Ramadhan I had to warn them that they cannot come early or everyday! Imagine as early as 9 am while we just go back to sleep around 4 after sehri and fajr. Than stay for the whole day until 6-7pm! They are nice. Don't mess around or talk nonsense. They are good boys with good manners.

The best thing is they used with me wearing veil, they don't mind walk with me together and I think people find it weird looking at me with my kids and these two blonde hair boy. These boys also used to us praying. If they are watching tv with my kids or play games, they know they had to stop when we need to pray and things like that. They sit on the floor and eat with us. Even one of them, don't want to used spoon intead using his hand to eat with us. Imagine he was using his hand to eat rice and we can see how struggle he is, but he insist of using his hand than fork and spoon! Subhana Allah. May Allah give them hidayah. For me it's a good balance socialisation for my kids and also for the non muslim. Their parents trust me although we barely know each other! Which is why make it so amazing. The funny things is, sometimes I was busy with my business. The house was upside down and messy. These kids just love staying here! Even sometimes the other one who had moved far had to get his dad to send him here and pick him up. Sometimes he didn't come for days as for Ramadhan especially he didn't come for nearly three weeks and he will than mention that he miss us so much.

I reckon it's the feeling of sakina and blessing which of course different than non muslim house. Even though they might have the best interior design where these kids just sit and eat on the floor when they with us, but they love our place so much. It did for me tell something. I guess when we bring the sunnah in our house the way we do sleep, eat, going to toilet and etc, it's nature to feel the blessing and calmness in heart and mind.

All these week I think I will let the kids to relax a bit with their friends in the late afternoon. They don't come early now just couple of hours in the late afternoon. MS and AS had also staying up until sehri on the night of 21 and 23 to do zikir and doa on their bed! Subhana Allah.

Ramadhan 1432 Day 13-Day 21

I just had to sum up what happen in the past week.

Day 13, we went to open our fast in the masjeed in Whitely Bay which is about one hour drive from our house. Hubby want to visit student jamaat. Most of them are just started to spend time, Masya Allah. At first hub is going with MS and AS. But than I decided to follow them as we plan to stop at another masjeed on the way back home for taraweeh. Hub don't mind whatever decision I want either to follow or not. He love it if I want to follow and offer to stop by and get some chicken grill on the way back home.

I quickly put my head together and plan out what to bring for iftar. I thought I just made something easy to eat as well. It was like plan out and at the same time just get on with it as long as I know I got all the ingredient to make it. This is me. Only sometimes at the moment I forgot that my right hand cannot be used as much as before hence restricted my skill to be able to cook in short time. Alhamdulillah for the kids who always can jump in. As our life, kids used into jump in and make things happen in sort time. I'm always love the idea. Especially live is always uncertainty. Although there are some of the time we do prepare and plan, but we are always on prepare to jump in. Plus we never know when Allah need us to do things, for example, to serve guest, entertain others, help others which have been part of our live and kids grab the issue as much as I do.

Alhamdulillah we pick up one person on the way who will stay with the jamaat. The jamaat is form of couple of Malaysian bachelor who just been in jamaat for their second time. Alhamdulillah. It's good time especially in the month of ramadhan to rectify ourselves and this is what going in tabligh jamaat is for. For me and hub , it has become part of our life and of course it also part of kids learning progress. For me, it's important to go out in tabligh jamaat to rectify one self, to learn to be humble, to learn how to do dakwa to others, which dakwah can be done in simple form. Because having knowledge without delivering the knowledge to others mean if any harm come into the area, the harm can easily come into us as well.

‘Urs ibn ‘Umairah 
ا
ر narrates that the Messenger of Allah  و

ا

said: Indeed, Allah does not punish everyone for the faults of a few disobedient people, until these

disobedient people continue to disobey and those who are obedient, despite being able to stop them, do not stop

them – at this Allah orders for the destruction of all, the obedient and the disobedient

(Tabarani; Majma-‘uz-Zawaid; Muntakhab Ahadith (10, Page 575, 576))

This is why dakwa is important part of deen.

كُنتُمۡ خَيۡرَ أُمَّةٍ أُخۡرِجَتۡ لِلنَّاسِ تَأۡمُرُونَ بِٱلۡمَعۡرُوفِ وَتَنۡهَوۡنَ عَنِ ٱلۡمُنڪَرِ وَتُؤۡمِنُونَ بِٱللَّهِ

Ye are the best people that hath been brought forth (as a pattern) for mankind.

Ye enjoin right conduct and forbid indecency; and ye believe in Allah.

(Qur’an, 3:110)

The best way to do dakwa is the way that are closest to the sunnah, the way that our beloved Prophet saw had shown us. Insya Allah. With the work of dakwa, we see the place where there are no deen, now had masjeed and masradah. How muslim, long time ago came to England to work in the factory, but as bab the work of dakwa, from the people who got no deeni background or less , come out hafiz and hafizah, alim and alimah from the family.

One of the story is the story of Newcastle amir sab of tabligh jamaat. He came to Newcastle to study PhD. When he finish, Dewsbury markaz decide that he should stay because there are nobody in Newcastle to work on muslim people. When there are no work of deen, there are less halal food, less masjeed and terrible condition of muslim. When he first came, he start doing taaklim and pray jamaat prayer in the house of one of Malaysian bachelor student. From there, Alhamdulillah they spread the fikir and worries and call others towards deen. As for the request made from the eldest of tabligh jamaat, he and his family has to stay in Newcastle permanently and of course Allah made all the paperwork for him to stay easy. Decision which seem as duniya decision but clearly for deen and akhirat. This family, Masya Allah had 3 daughter who homeschool since they finish primary school. The mum is not teaching them academic herself. They all go through distance learning. But, Masya Allah, all of them wearing full nikab since age of 12. Manners is on top. Excellent in socialisation, serving guest and entertaining others and soft and top attitude. Not just that, had full fikir of deen Subhana Allah.

The eldest daughter now living in US with 5 kids. She was excellent mother. She had so much fikir of deen and dakwah. She also homeschool her kids. Although she lives in the area where there are less muslim, but her iman is maintain. She had been homeschooler herself until she finish her degree in Mathematics from Open University. The other two sister also the same. One is doing degree in Mathematics as well from Open Uni. The best things is she also the one who take over her mum job of cooking , cleaning and look after the house. When the guest there and jamaat around, she the one who cook for them as her mum wasn't well now. The other sister now doing A level with NEC distance learning. They not just excellent in academic, but full nikab, excellent manners, excellent socialisation skills and have high iman and amal especially in practice. What else do we want as a parents..I really admire this family. The other boys all finish primary school and going madrasah. One finish hifd and alim and the other two is working towards it. So, almost complete and successful parent there. Their dad working only 3 days a week and give almost full time to the work of deen. Their mum and dad fikir, iman and amal always remind me of my own parents. From their sacrifice, Newcastle now had increase number of masjeed, got weekly taaklim, more Halal food store and lots of youth also start going out in jamaat which automatically avoid them from involve in bad influence. Of course, it has to be sacrifice to achieve that. Think about how Rasullallah saw had made sacrifice.

Once he become a Prophet, he did not be a farmer looking after goat anymore. He stop doing the business and Khadijah r.ha had spend all her wealth for the purpose of deen. When she married Rasullallah saw she was a wealthy woman, but before she died, she had nothing left as everything been spend for the work of deen. For Allah swt. The sahabah r.a and sahabiah r.ha had spend their entire life, wealth and health for the sake of deen, and we can't even spend 10 % of our time for it and out our duniya behind either our work, family, business, beloved bed, and our comfort of live. How much is 10% of our daily life? Only 2 and half hours a day and three day a months. And if we send our husband and mahram such as son to go for tabligh, where do they stay? In masjeed. The house of Allah. What will they do, talk about the greatness of Allah, learn the sunnah according to what the Prophet did in His daily life and learn to have the worries and the fikir of the Prophet on the entire ummah. Go out from the masjeed and meet other muslim and ask them to come and join the congregation in the masjeed. Only one who open their heart and mind will go and see and gain the benefit, Insya Allah.

Anyway, this is our life and this is will always be part of our homeschool teaching. To ensure kids know the important of dakwa and the important of doing it in the manner of shariah. Because dakwa and learning deen without taking care of the boundary of shariah even seen simple, will not long lasting. This has been proven. If the way tabligh jamaat work is not follow the shariah, the correct aqidah and manhaj, they will not success. Even if they success, it will not stay for long. There are many way that success, but burn out at the end. Because the haq will Insya Allah stay and the batil will soon burn out. There are one research been made (well, there are many research) by one of big US security organisation about tabligh. The research had found out that among all other method of dakwa, this is the one that come closest and nearest towards what the Prophet saw had done. Many of the government of course try to close it down, but how can you close down masjeed and the house where deen is practice, iman had been muzakarah and discuss and taaklim been read. No bank account to close, no organisation to ban, nothing paperwork to be change to make it looks wrong as there are no bank account, no organisation and no paperwork. All is in one iman and one amal. Even though like in Saudi Arabia, there are many many jamaat from Saudi now going to Nizamuddin in India. Many of them also had been send to Malaysia. Also jamaat from Palestine and many other Middle Eastern countries. Subhana Allah. These arab people when they been given the worries and fikir that Allah had said in the quran and what the Prophet had said in the hadith, they like lion who just waking up and hungry! Although people said that Tabligh is coming from India as where it was started is in Mewat and the main so called headquarters is in Nizamuddin, but it will soon Insya Allah moved to Madinatul Munawarrah. Back to were the Prophet masjeed is. The centre of deenul Islam back at the Prophet saw time. The work seems moving towards it by itself without anybody pull or push towards it. It's is the work of Allah swt.

I just cannot help by not talking about he greatness of this work. Which for me actually play a big role in our homeschool progress. This is our aim, to produce a dae. A dae is deeni worker. A person who their main work is to call people towards deen. Either our daughter or son, this is for me my aim. They can be teacher engineer, doctor, shopkeeper, but their main job is to remind others about the purpose we are in this world. To talk about the greatness of Allah from anytime, any day with anybody they meet in the best manner they should have.

Back to our story:

Day 14 is just usual day. We did revision for understanding quran. It was small surah, but for me I like to talk about it as two way communication as usual. Which is why I don't like my kids just sit there and listen to the talk from you tube or video. Because even if they matured enough on certain issue especially about iman, still they had many question on their mind and having own thought on Islamic Studies is big issue for me. Elaborate can only been done by scholar and properly learn person. We can do in term of learning but within the boundary and straight guideline.

Day 15, we was busy outside as well. Than me and the girl manage to jump on one Hour bayan at a friend house. Nice to see other sisters. The sister in the jamaat came from Luton and down south area. Only four of them on ten days jamaat. It's nice and a blessing to get spend time in jamaat in the month of Ramadhan. Because we will be in Iktikaf condition to secluded ourselves in engaging with the talk of iman and looking after our amal 24/7.

Day 16, we had to help looking after 2 small kids age 4 and half and 18 months old. Their nursery close due to bug and both parents who is a Doctor is working. They came from 7.45 am until 6pm. I don't look after them but PS and S. We manage to go for a quick shopping with this two kids Alhamdulillah. People think I got 6 altogether!!

Day 17 also as usual. We did our Quran reading and not much on other learning. I guest I was sort of tired with my hand most of the time. I had to do physio at home about 10-15 minutes a day for every hour. I am really struggling to fulfil that actually.

Day 18, again we help to look after two small kids. It was a pleasure to help others in need. Especially in the month of Ramadhan. Especially when my kids Alhamdulillah excellent and love small kids. This time they back home around 1pm and I than get ready for my appointment at Newcastle Hospital. Wanted to bring the kids but than change my mind. Kids actually love stay home. Especially when they grow teenage age. Similar things I heard from other parents. Alhamdulillah I can trust them at home in nearly all expect. They pray in jamaat and always finish the task I am asking them to do or the chores. Me and hubby was stuck in the traffic jem and was quiet late when we arrived home. About two hours before iftar and I jump into the kitchen with help from kids.

Day 19, we sort of tired with nearly full weeks in action. We got boiler service at 10am , so another early bird for us. Than I got pest control from council for the rat that start to come in the house through broken vent outside. Subhana Allah..what a tiring week with many unexpected event one after another.

Day 20 I started to make some cookies with the kids. S can actually make it on her own, but I am quiet fussy. So I was there as a main chef and the other help around. Hub went to Dewsbury around 3pm with other friends for Iktikaf. Me and kids just went down Subway halal to get Subway for each of us as we got voucher which will end by end of August. I was actually thinking to cook something and bring to a friend house which her husband had gone back to Malaysia until before eid. It's their first Ramadhan in UK and it was very long as well. She and her only daughter on their own. Than I was thinking to bring them to South Sheild masjeed for taraweeh. But than she cannot fast, I thought may be next time than. Which is why we ended up with Subway. PS cannot fast, so sehri time I just make fried rice. MS and AS also stay up until sehri and doing zikir and doa.

Day 21 was quiet a full day as well. I manage to folded the clothes. Well mind and hub. Kids did their themselves. PS tidying her whole wardrobe as usual she always clearing thing in her room on Sunday. She also did on Saturday. In sehri time before, hub send me text asking me if I want to entertain the friends which came with him to Dewsbury. One just married and the other just a bachelor. Of course my answer will always be yes. after doing lots of ironing of hub clothes, we went out for a quick shopping and manage to stop by at car boot sale for a quick walk. I started cooking including us for 12 people altogether as I ask hub to fetch the wife of the one who just married and also the sister with her daughter which her husband is in Malaysia. I manage to cook Soto ayam, Lamb biryani, dal, tanddori chicken, salad and muratabak. All with kids help from scratch just in four hours time frame, Alhamdulillah. I was a bit not sure if I can make it, but Alhamdulillah the strong feeling I got as Allah always help. Especially in entertain others and they just got back from iktikaf.

They all pray jamaah at our house as our nearest masjeed is 20 minutes away for asr, magrib, insya and taraweeh. Hub was an iman as usual and it was sort of normal for us to be imam for taraweeh even since we were in Malaysia. Nothing that actually make us felt high or big proud but we looking at it as a responsibility. After taraweeh one of the guest, a Nigerian brother , a student with first class degree actually make a long doa. Subhana Allah. Of course we woman was in another room. Than here come me and my tears. He make doa in Arabic and English. Not sure either it's me or his doa, but seems like I am the only with tears. I think it's me. Since we arrived in UK in 1999, I was so easy in tears while listening to bayan ( usually we can detect even we will not really known who did the bayan except some particular scholar or eldest by their sacrifice and practise. The more the person make sacrifice and practice what they preach, the word is not 'good bayan', 'good talk' , 'Subhana Allah or Masya Allah'. The bayan will be simple but go straight into our heart and that's it!! ) and also when people make doa. Usually after bayan finish and also when jamaat came or our guest is people who used to be in jamaat, they like to make doa after we serve them for thank you note. And always all my tiredness gone!

I'm always remember this pious sister back in Coventry, every time we sit in muzakarah and she start talking, my tears start. She make a joke and said that every time she start talking, I will start to cry. Because the main point in muzakarah will be about iman. As me and hub an dkids came to Uk almost with nothing and rely 110% on Allah, He always be there for us...and for the past 12 years, the sweetness of iman is something that always stay with us. Even now every time me and hub talk about our journey, we both will have uncontrollable tears. This sister than said to me that 'Allah love woman and tears'. I never forget that. Sometimes I went to bayan, and during the bayan or doa time, looks like me the one who always need a tissue. Sometimes I felt ashamed, but I cannot help it. The best tears I had was in Arafah on the day of wukuf. Subhana Allah....I was facing the wall of Masjeed Nimra and everybody was started to prepare themselves to move as soon as the sun set including our man who busy folded the tent. So we had to stay outside the tent. For me, every single minute at the time is critical. I never know if I can come back to Arafah on the day of wukuf. I was making doa and crying until my body was shaking. At some point I felt unconscious. It's like my body just fly over the sky and hugging Allah swt. It was a beautiful moment. It was all the hard work of walking and carrying back pack from Makkah to Mina to Muzdalifah and Arafah. With my white suit my mum made had sort of red colour around the edge because of the dust from the dessert. I remember how it says in Fazail Hajj that when we walk during Hajj and as soon as we reach Arafah, the angel will hug us as we come with our dirty cloth (not dirty in term of cannot used for prayer, but with dust) and tiredness from walking. Allah HuAkbar!! The best ever doa I ever made as the doa will go straight without hijab. Before I finish my doa and felt like I just wake up from my dream I heard someone in our group, a man said to my husband, may be you should sit behind her while she making the doa as doa is an important part of Hajj in Arafah. I was thinking that I am going to control myself as much as I can. I don't want people to think that I was very pious that I was cyring until my body was shaking strongly. I am nobody. But, that is the chance for me to make doa and it goes straight to Allah. After all the sacrifice I made, I really hope that my hajj been accepted. Alhamdulillah three specific doa I made during Hajj been accepted which the first came straight one week after I arrived back. Something that actually impossible in human eyes but not in Allah eyes and also other things that impossible if we not had strong believe in Allah that He can give anything and everything.

Back to the story, I do felt bless with the guests that I be able to serve at home this time.Because when we cook and serve others in our own house is different than we cook and send it somewhere. As when we serve them in our own house, we have to make sure house nice and ready for guest, prepare to serve on time and tidy up after also will be quiet a lots especially when we had man section and woman section with plates and pan. Plus our dishwasher is broken, so more rewards of washing up to do and all the tidy up. If less than 15 or 20 people, I like to use plate that can be wash except if more than that than we used paper plate. I like people to feel comfortable eating. So, entertain and cooking for others to be serve in your own house in the month of ramadhan can always be challenging. But, guest coming mean rezki and barakah. House without guest for me is like emptiness. For some reason people just love to come! Imagine, we live far from other muslim, but....Allah send us guest from time to time. Sometimes until I felt like falling down on the floor. But, serving others especially day and night teach me many things, Humbleness, putting others first. Giving and serving the best meal and ourselves the last one. Just like we heard the story of the sahabah. How the sahabah serve a guest in darkness to avoid the guest knowing that the food is only enough for the guest only even the kids had to keep in hunger. And how the next day Allah send message to the sahabah through Rasullallah saw! And my parents did this in practise and I learn from their real practice. and this is how want my kids to learn as well. We will always let our gust eat first and even since they small, they will be told to back off from their favourite food unless guest didn't seems to want it any more. They always been told to eat less and slow to make sure our guest satisfied first. This is learning in practise. Kids not just listen to the story of the sahabah through Stories of the Sahabah, but see it in practise in their own house. This two things for me need to be relate strongly.

Although sometimes it will be whine about how hard it is as they all have to help around more especially as my situation at the moment. Sometimes there are time when they too tired one of them might said, " why they had to come at this time or etc". Because we can have guest without warning day and night. But, every time they just need to be remind. The funny things is they whine but once they heard someone coming, they jump over the moon!!! We all love guest. The blessing of having guest coming in to the house is speechless! It's the real blessing from Allah.

May be lots of this 'felt' by whoever read my post as might not be related to our homeschool blog. It might be better the story been put into my other blog. But, this is our life. This is the main point and purpose of education to me for my kids.

First and foremost is to be a dae, and be able to be anywhere and with anybody BUT them being the one who can influence others. Either with words or character. One of the important knowledge in dakwa is ikramul Muslimin. Which is to honour other muslim before ourselves. To give to others without asking back. To go humble down to earth. To be able to mix with all kind of human being being the muslim or non muslim. I don't aim at all my kids to choose to keep themselves only among righteous people. No...they will have broad way of life in their future. It's impossible especially by living in the west, wanted or not we will encounter in our working life, daily routine to the doctor, hospital, shop and etc. As for that for me it's important for them to know how to react towards people with different sort of background. To handle the situation especially in hardship if they ever encounter.

Example, last year in Ramadhan was one of MS friend who live on the same street birthday. He was English and age only 9 years old last year but he is as big as MS. He always here in our house most of the time after school and during weekend as he is the only one at home with her mum. He wanted MS to go with him to adventure place call 'The Forbidden corner'. A maze place about one hour from where we live. MS think that he should go as J, his friend really hope that he can come. J will go with his mum, aunt and grandmother. I wasn't sure at first because it was quiet long fasting day which is about 17 hours at the time. MS said he's fine and will keep his fasting. He kept his fasting. Not just that he bring compass and sajdah as well in his back pack. I provide him some dates in case they late although they should arrived back before iftar time. How did he pray? J mum try to find place for him to pray but couldn't. At the end when it's zohr time, as they went there early in the morning, they all go out from the place to the car park, J mum wait for him to pray on the car park and they all go back in. Although he going with non muslim, but for me it teach him how to take control on what important for his deen, and his life. Which means, in some way others had to listen and take care of his deen and prayer and help him out to do so. Not that they will be someone who will influence or help him in the opposite way.

I'm always have this sort of chat with my kids. About how to handle the situation among others either non muslim or muslim themselves. Not every muslim is a practising muslim. Also there are knowledgeable people but still lack in Iman and amal. Because knowing didn't mean doing. To me, kids need to be teach about the priority in their lives. Also to influence others need to be done in many way. We can't just go out there and preach people about Islam. We had firstbuild a relationship which can be done through serving food, invited people to our own house, chatting and joking in manner, talking with the cashier at supermarket check out and etc. All these things need to learn through practical and from the practise that had to come from parents in real live. For me , this is what I see my parents did, hence it has become part of my live. It's not in some way nature, but nurture with out verbal but involvement. Involvement not by teaching method, but the way we live. We didn't serve others to show our kids that this is what needed to be done, but we serve others because this is part of commandment of Allah and the practise of the Prophet saw. Some of the thing for me, wasn't part of teaching process for my kids. It's not intended for teaching at all. But the way of live that I believe we should live. Not the way of live that been made because we had to show the kids how to. Because without kids around even, this is how I we are. My parents still doing the same thing serving and involving in the work of deen since we are with them and although without us with them. My dad since 1979 getting involved in the work of tabligh until now, Alhamdulillah never burn out. Clearly every thing been done for the sake of Allah. This is why, I cannot be part of the work of dakwa. And to do dakwa, had also a guideline and unsaid rules. Verbal dakwa will usually be the last part. Before we reach the last part of verbal or Kalam, we need to give Salam, than ikram, which mean honours others and the third is Taam, which mean serve food because if we talk while someone are angry than the result will be different. The last than we start doing dakwa verbally. But, of course this sometimes or most of the time cannot be done in one go. Sometimes it takes years to fo the ikram and taam. To go through that than patient is needed. This is why to do dakwa is very important. Because it will teach us so many value and help ourselves to be among al mukminoon. Also verbal dakwa need to be confine toward talking about the greatness of Allah and the important of salat. This is two important things to talk when we do dakwa. Give a lots of benefit of amal and create worries in other heart and mind to think about the greatness of Allah. This is for me , the important teaching lesson in real life for my kids. Hence it will need to be recorded here in ourhomeschool blog....

May Allah give us tawfik and hidaya to strengthen our iman and increase our iman and talk to others about the important of iman and amal and make doa for the entire ummah. Insya Allah.

Ramadhan 1432 Day 12

Lately kids usually stay up until sahur time in their room. Either read book or play something quietly for MS and AS. MS usually working on his own project. Sehri time is getting a bit late now as our breaking fast also now is before 9 pm while it was 9.30pm on the first day of Ramadhan. So, we wake up for sehri at 3am now.

There are quiet an issue about sehri time in UK as ramadhan is summer. I put up this issue with hub days before ramadhan as I keep reading in sunni forum about the issue. I wasn't knowledgeable to be honest about this issue and still building up my reading carefully. Hub I can say very knowledgeable about fikh since he was small. Very knowledgeable I mean he can explain with full sentence like you read in fikh book! Well, his grandfather is an alim who teach hundreds and thousand of people from one masjeed to another. His father was an imam in his local village before he started to get ill. Among all his brothers and sisters apart from one who had study in madrasah and finish alim and shariah from Al Azhar Uni, hub is the one who had big desire of learning about all this issue since small. I could say, I can rely on him on all basic issue, only on contemporary issue nowadays I had to jump on the internet, but only with certain website I can rely on such sunni path and ask imam. Or I need to ring my brother who is a hifd, had study alim and also study shariah in Al Azhar Uni. Or I get in touch with one student in Al Azhar Uni who now working on his Master and always around fatwa department in Cairo. A friend of my brother. Or I make a call to a sister, an alimah in Loughborough or there are also couple of alimah I know, but usually a chat with my brother is the best option is I need to talk to someone.

As I put on the issue about sehri and magrib time especially for this month of Ramadhan, hub get on with his research apart from his own knowledge. Days before we off to UK nearly 12 years ago, hub went to see a Mufti for a state where we are at that time, yes, the head of the Shariah Department for the state of Perlis to discuss and ask about fikh and how to do a calculation for prayer time and other things that link with it. Although he learn without formal madrasah, but he do learn from learn and knowledgeable people. But, of course that not make him enable to teach others but rather had that knowledge to teach us, his wife and kids. Although whenever he went, people with basic or no knowledge do rely on him a lots. And this is not just nowadays, but since before we married. I do feel please as we both had been brought up from the house that deen is part of our life. Although mine start a bit late when I was 6-7 years old, still my grandfather on my father side is an imam. My father I could say use to win a quran competition when he was young. I had learn a lots about Prophet, angel and reading quran with my grandmother on my dad side whenever I stay there during school holiday.

Nevertheless my dad wasn't a pious man before although he can read quran fluently and the only son for an imam. Alhamdulillah as someone ask him to pay a visit to a masjeed in front of my grandmother house from my mum side where we live at the time, and there is a foreign jamaat there ( I can't remember which country they from). My dad never look back since than. I think I was 5-6 years old. My dad than went to first ijtimak in US I think in 1980. Than bring my mum to hajj as soon as after that. The best about tabligh jamaat is it give you the 'fikir'. The think, the worries. This is what the Prophet saw had. The worries. When we had worries, than we take action. Without worries, we won't take action. And we need to have this worries, constantly to remind us and keep us istiqamah. Insya Allah.

So, I could say when I married, me and husband both do have some strong deen in us with different way. Because my mum also involve heavily in the work of tabligh, it change the house environment into deeni environment where I live and I see deen through action now knowledge that I learn in theory. Hub got lots of knowledge, especially fikh knowledge which I got very basic one. But, in practical, although hub father also involve in the work of tabligh early than my dad, but without bringing the work into the mum, there are less deeni environment in their house. Although they are a practise muslim, but without the worries and dakwah, the deen left as knowledge and the deen not become much of part of the life. The different for me, is I don't have much knowledge so do my mum and dad, but tabligh jamaat teach a lots of putting things into action straight away. I could say I live in the house where mum and dad had strong iman and amal. Look after others, ikramul muslimin is part of our routine and spending time , wealth and health for deen is part of our household. And because of deen, we got married, Alhamdulillah.

Back to the original story, hub than found out that the best calculation is from Hizbul Ulama UK. They are and from the reputable ulama with not just great knowledge and understanding of deen but a practice, pious and taqwa. They had made observation about the situation of in UK with the sunset and sunrise for one whole year to get the correct calculation of the prayer time. So, the problem for us solve there. There are still plenty of issue around, but things happen when people asking more or too much question which at the end of the day create more fitnah losing one faith. There are hadith about this that I am always remind my kids about it.

We don't do almost any learning as it was my visit to the hospital. At first I wanted to bring them all together as I was thinking that we can visit museum nearby hospital. But, my appintment is at 3.30pm and it seems we had short time left. Lucky they didn't come as it was busy day at the clinic and I ended up see the nurse nearly one hour later at 4.20pm !

As soon as I arrived home, PS already did half way cooking which is cleaning the fish, cut them and deep fry them and only left for me to make a soup for it. I was than also cook some lamb soup indian style as we still have some left over chapati from the day before. I cook some fish and rice actually for hub. As he get older, looks like he cannot live without Malaysian main dish, rice. Although he not use to be a fussy one and can always cope with his kind of military mind, but like I said, as he get older, things do change. Something that amazing for me to see it actually. Sometimes I cannot believe my eyes. I turn left, right, front and back. I now see husband who change as he grow older. PS who had pass one step through her teen life. MS who is now in the middle of challenging teen and S who just started to show more and more of her pre -teen and pre puberty hormone day after day...Dear me!!! Cannot believe what I see everyday and what I had to compromise, patient and endure. I am now facing late teenager, middle teenager and pre-teenager. Probably one mid life crisis?? Ha..ha..crisis seems bad, well not as bad but change than what I used to see and confront. And here I am, trying hard to cope to play with everybody rhythm.

For me the challenge in bringing up kids is not teaching them either academic or Islamic Studies. For me knowledge can be learn any time and anywhere, nothing every too late! But, the challenge is to confront and go through with people mind, working together, recognise own behaviour, willing to change, accept the situation and all these many real life challenge we facing and are going to face in the near future. It is a big challenge to bring kids up like I talk before in term of them have sort of control on themselves to be able to choose what's right and what's wrong. To mature through the whole process slowly but steadily.

Ramadhan Day 11

Another not so productive day. Although I manage to sit with AS and did some English work with him. PS is working on writing article about fasting. She should had finish it long time ago and handed it to me, but due to her helping me around, she didn't manage to sit properly in front of PC. We had almost no TV at all during Ramadhan unless on couple of occasion on Islamic Channel and News while riot was going on and also live tv from Birmingham at the time. Kids also didn't play any X box or wii since the month of Ramadhan started. Less connection with internet as well. Although we had all this excess at home and it had been part of their day but they all manage to stay away without any problem. No argument, no messing around or not even winging about it at all. Even if I am not around, they will not sneak around all this gadget. Which I could say, I can trust them, Alhamdulillah.

This is one of the things I try to implement. Not just when kids go out to someone and have all this and they refuse. But it's actually when they freely had this, can browse and play with it freely without my intervention, they will not simply because it's the trust that they had been given and the agreement that we reach. The respect and the feeling of responsibility towards their own action which Allah is all seeing. Alhamdulillah. If there are any small hideous action made, and the other will complain, I will usually talk simple. At the end of the day, it's your action and if you ha dplace your self in the situation that you cannot be trusted, you had play the trust that bene given, it's you who are the loser, not me. Yes, I do talk straight to their head especially if things like this happen to the two big one. Of course for the small one, it will be different words and approach. Nevertheless, at the moment we had no such incident.

Again as I had leftover keema for chapati, S want to make some more. This time MS and AS wanted to join. Therefore S made one dough and roll it out together with AS and MS made another dough and roll it out with S till finish. Altogether they made about 40 pieces and I got 2 pan to cook for it at the same time. We got all that done just under one hour. Team work, Alhamdulillah.

We manage to do the understanding quran lesson and we finish lesson 3b, which is full lesson for first part. I never actually done meaning of the quran with kids neither actually do translation with them. I am always be very careful in this thing. I used power point from the lesson and also some inout from iqra foundation book, title Short Surah. Alhamdulillah it wasn't hard with some simple knowledge I got since small in jamaat. Help me a lots in reality of deen. I am also be very careful to stay just in the meaning but link the need of the lesson with every day life as my kids are always two way communication.

They also got one note book each and will write key point when I say so including AS. Therefore I had to be patient to make sure every one catch up properly. Alhamdulillah AS quiet good in catching me up in writing note with quiet surprising. He felt hard on first day writing note, but he starting to catch up alright and like the idea pretty much.

PS and MS as usual sorting out at sehri time. I was sooooo grateful to Allah swt Alhamdulillah.

Ramadhan 1432 Day 10

We not really productive yesterday. We went out to the garage for the mechanic to see if something need to be done with the car. I bring all the kids with me although it was 5 minutes away as I wasn't sure with the outside world. Seems everything was nice and calm and we went back home straight after.

Yesterday was none learning day in some way. Well, not formal learning session we had. But, another kind of learning session in the kitchen. S wanted chapati. She was asking me to make chapati for ages. it was hard actually, but to start with is always a problem. She keep saying to me that she will help. I thought I will have to this time, so I spend quiet some time in the kitchen as PS help cooking chicken with soy sauce and I made keema for chapati and put the dough in Kenwood chef and after that S and hub help making it. Yes, I was already start to roll couple of chapati out and hub came into the kitchen. He always complain in some way about my chapati because I like Gujerati chapati which is thin and light. But hub like Pakistani chapati which is thick and heavy. It's actually because when he learn to make it he was in jamaat with one of Pakistani brother. While I learn it from the sister who also in jamaat but was our neighbour before nearly 12 years ago back in Coventry. Oh..my..I love her chapati..it's so soft and thin like a handkerchief. She also the one who teach me how to make curry and every single person who taste the curry will love them to bit!!

Well, I start to go in the kitchen a bit late anyway as I was lazying around today. Someday was very hard in some way. My hand got really tired and laying down is only things I need. There are some of the time when I try to keep my hand down as normal as I can, the feel of tingling and pins and needle started to come. Of course it's better than before where I could feel the rush of the blood. Still my deep burn area is awful. The function of my hand is pretty much limited and even by typing too much will than cause strain on my wrist, but in some way I had to make sure I moved it as used it as much as can although lifting heavy things of course cannot be done at all. I can't even lifted any small pan or pot using my right hand which cause much trouble for me in the kitchen after all these weeks.

Anyway, PS and MS are getting used waking up for sehri time, warm up the food and serve and waking up others including me and hub although I do wake up by my alarm. Alhamdulillah lots of burden been taking over by them. May Allah shower them with mercy and continuous iman and good deeds. In the mist of seeing other kids similar age struggle even to help tidy and go into the kitchen, I feel syukur. But, of course everything not come just like that. It does required all the hard work and strong mind. Sometimes I do felt lost and cannot manage. But than I learn a lesson that by fighting through it is the only option. It will be hard, but meaningful.

Of course nothing come easy. Especially with kids now a days. I didn't want and like my kids to be all nice and quiet all the time. For me it will be something wrong somewhere. It is..the quiet and all good will sometimes , someday burst out. The real world is not as it seen all good. For me, it's very important for my kids to learn how to control themselves when the time come. Real world can be scary , hard and challenge. We cannot keep them in good company all the time. Especially if they living in western world even in eastern world which full of corruption and other bad influence. Honestly for me is 'get real'!

Especially when kids reach certain age. Doesn't matter how we teach them manner, good things and be pious, it will come the time because of the hormone change, the body change, the age that grow up will make them more challenging. It can become a burden and we can feel so hard and anger if we take it as negative. And yes, we always forget unfortunately. I had been through some of the hard time with PS, Subhana Allah...the end, it come up that it wasn't much of her fault. Not that she can use her hormone as the fault, but it's me who didn't 'get real'. Sometimes we think putting all the resource, giving them all good religious knowledge will make them all pious and listen to our A, B, C , D needs and want. No argument and no challenge. Like I said, 'get real'. This is kids. Than they are in different time than us. Than there are girls and boys. Although they been brought up with the same way, with many theories we had and many knowledge that we think these kids had acquired which should made them all pious and religiously obey, still there are chemical balance and what else in their body that still changing and keep changing until certain time and age. Although we might have the other kids who seems to go through it ok, it's depends on how one take it in. They all go through the same way inside their mind and body, with slightly different for boys and girls, but honestly I like the one and usually will make one to argue, fight back, moody and confuse. Because this is when they will learn the lesson and fight back with our help. Of course this is the time we had to be there and recognize the situation. There are time we need to put our feet down and be hard but also there are time we need to pull back, stand back and just watch. Than pull it hard on other time.

MS was started to fight back with all sort of reason with every single things I said or want him to do. He was all lovely and will always listen and helpful, than started to come up with reason after another although he will do what I said.

One day, PS giggling and smiling and said," oh...he started to be teenager now."

I was a bit pull back, felt like I had been waking up with her simple sentence. Well, I forgot. The best thing about going through feeling and emotion with kids is help them to realise their behaviour, their mood and the change that happen in them.

PS always mention now and again and made remark towards MS or S, "oh, I used to be like that..". With smile.."but not anymore".

There are type of behaviour that inappropriate, but not a bad one actually just like argue back with me or giving reason and things like that which she, PS recognize that she had been through but change. Alhamdulillah the best things is , she went through as her body change, but it wasn't stay in her as a habit. This is what I wanted to do and trying to do all the time.

Kids go through change, of course. Lots of the change is because of chemical reaction in their body which trigger certain things which sometimes can cause trouble. It is very important for us, mother to identify which behaviour cause by their body change and how to approach things according to the need for them and also for the good cause. If we let it carry on, the bad cause will become habit. But, if we put too much pressure, it will cause much burden and the problem sometimes will not show now but later in the future. Mine did not show until I married!!! I had to say my husband had to confront with a big problem which sometimes I think will cost our marriage. But, Alhamdulillah that never actually in his mind, so it keep us together. But, believe me, the result of how we approach towards our teenager if not show now will show later in their life.

I know others who ended up in mental hospital, even hurt themselves with knife after married and having kids. The mom was very nice, religious person who never thought her beautiful daughter who had always nice and good can become like that. Until she found out that her daughter had suffer long since her childhood. I met this family before myself. When I met them and listen to the story, it become more and more evidence to me of what I had in my mind all these years since I got married.

The pressure of being all nice and pious kids will sooner or later come out dangerously as a result. Although one might argue it depends on how one approach. But, at the moment I had seen the result from my expectation. It was sad when you know someone but they cannot comprehend with what you had in your mind and at the end, the result was ugly.

I had quiet a close friend who had homeschool her kids and when first time I know her, she cannot understand why I send all my kids to school, had tv in the house where if I am really a daughter to someone who do the work of dakwah, how come my approach toward my kids are like that. I use to felt isolated by this sister and another one, but continue to befriend as I don't like to argue much about my approach but for me I see things different way which I think is correct and the picture is bigger than what they see. Although I don't like to argue at the time especially as when the kids was small, I don't know if the way I am thinking and if my approach will at the end work. At the moment, the burn out that cause in this sister life and the situation that she in at the moment although I can see it coming, but I just cannot understand.

Imagine, how can you understand when you got someone who homeschool, had no tv at home, very open up with her own kids, having a close relationship but from my point of view had lack thorough observation unfortunately that she cannot see things coming. This is when for me it's important to be safe than sorry. It's ok to think negative to avoid negative. Until now, I still cannot understand the situation which seems all perfect with the teaching method, the halaqah she had with her kids at home and plenty of islamic knowledge her kids had, but Subhana Allah once they out from the mum face, things go up side down. This is not like I am watching from far, I had one for the kids with me for 2 weeks! Nearly cause injury to my little one at the time age 5! it is unbelievable but the things is with my experience and others that I had seen, I can see this coming. But, it was hard to deliver the message. Especially when me and hubby seen as not too motivated Islamically. Which is why my approach sometimes seems lack here, but too extream there. It was easy to give the balance result.

I like when the kids rebel, argue or oppose now than later. Because when they oppose now, they are here with us. We are there to help them to choose the right approach and rectify the mistake and show them bigger picture with our reason. As a grow up human being, to start to oppose, rebel, argue, cheeky is part of it. They will test the boundary and limitation, and this is where patient, calm and being tricky is needed from us , the parents. There will be hard time of course. Because to earn a istiqamah good , pious kids these day is not easy. It's easy to earn good pious kids, but like I said to earn istiqamah good pious kids is not easy. It's easy to produce good pious kids for couple of days, weeks, moths and years, but it's not easy to produce good istiqamah pious kids who will keep their iman and amal not just till their last breath but for generation to come. This is what I meant with bigger picture. Not just for temporary for for the long lasting as far as till the day of qiyamaah.

Still I am not perfect. My kids had many flaw around. They not all pious and religious all the time. They had pretty less Islamic Knowledge than many others. I still not sure how things will turn up later. Although it seem the approach that I had use produce a result that I want, although they still flaw here and there in term of knowledge, but for me knowledge can be aquired later in the future. But to help the kids to choose the right knowledge, the priority, the path , the correct way and to have little knowledge but useful and istiqamah is what my target is.

Ramadhan 1432 Day 8 & 9

Ramadhan day 8 and 9 was a bit messy as lots of time our attention focus on the news of what happen around the country. Alhamdulillah over where we live, it was very quiet. This afternoon, I call all the kids to my room, we chat about the contingency plan just in case what happen get worst and spread around.

I can say that I almost had no secret with kids over what happen in our life, our journey, our decision and everything that involves our routine and day to day life as it effect kids as well. We talk and chat almost about everything. Kids watch news, read news even as my youngest one. But, they all know that not everything in the news they can accept and believe. Therefore we usually have a chat and talk about any issue that come before and after.

We didn't do much activities accept kids help in the kitchen and we do our Understanding quran lesson, read quran, read virtues or Ramadhan before iftar and doa as usual. We don't do much academic at the moment and that wasn't worry me much anyway. At the moment our routine is just stay on praying, reading quran, tahajud, doa and understanding quran lesson. Yesterday there are woman jamaat came to Sunderland and there are bayan in the evening. Therefore I went there with the girls. As soon as we came back , we did our lesson and than I just quickly cooking. I like my cooking to be fresh. Therefore usually I spend little time prepare for food and than ready to be cook later about an hour before iftar, depends on what I cook. Usually if not because of my hand, half and hour is enough to use for cooking or one hour if include preparing and tidy up. But, with my hand like this , not just it taken longer, but also I will need help. But, it wasn't all bad as serving, tidy up, washing up, Well washing up only small as like pots and pan or container used to prepare food as all plates and glasses goes into dishwasher. Something that I glad I bought it. Very useful especially in the month of ramadhan. It's really cut short time to wash and dry. Only need to put in and clear it out which usually to clear out can be done by AS or S. Mostly it's their job.

Ramadhan 1432 Day 7

Another simple day for us. I was quiet tired, therefore after fajr I went back to sleep but wasn't able to sleep properly for some reason. I was sleep but not feel like sleeping. Therefore I felt quiet tired and was in bed until nearly afternoon. When I wake up, I start to tidy up the bedroom and finish iron hub work cloth. As my burn incident, I still haven't been able to use my right hand as much. Not ironing of course, dish or any other heavy job using right hand. Therefore lots of my task is using only one hand, my left hand and I was right handed. So, the job will be slower than usual. I get MS to bring hover up stairs and I start hovering but han hub take over. May be felt guilty seeing me hovering with one hand. Usually kids the one who do the hovering. I was rarely doing hovering in the house now and again. But there are time I love to do it myself.

After zohr we went to car boot sale. Well, only me, hub, S and AS. S need to find hamster cage for her new hamster. Unfortunately it was rain and windy, the car boot wasn't as big and we didn't find any hamster cage at all.

After back from car boot kids read quran tidy up around the house. Alhamdulillah the house wasn't that mess during this ramadhan at all. Unless some place where we do our activity and study in the lounge. We had tidy up our library aka our study room and set up everything there, but than weather got cold again and the room is easily get cold. PS wanted to make 'popia goreng'. So before I left for car boot I made her cut carrot to use for the filling. I than get her to cook when I back from car boot together with some prawn and bean sprout. Than she start to fill into spring roll and made a roll. She work together with S on that.

Around 7.00 pm we all sit and start on the next lesson on study the quran. We talk about how quran is like a manual. I talk about how everything being created in this world come with the manual doesn't matter how small things are. People who really know about the things that being created to is only the creator. Same like us. Only Allah swt know about us and how for us to run our life as He the one who created us. Therefore He made us the manual. Example if we don't follow the manual, we might assemble something we bought wrong way round and ended up being a waste and get thrown into the bin. Therefore it is very important to follow the manual before we get thrown into hell. We spend a good one and half hour fill in the workbook and also their note book. I had assign kids one notebook each for this ramadhan which they will fill in whatever I want them to.

Yesterday night, we didn't go to masjeed for taraweeh as hub working in the morning. After taraweeh we all went to bed. Alhamdulillah I gave kids 5 star for sehri this morning, as they all wake up, wake up me up and by the time I went to the kitchen, they already warm food, serve everything and start eating happily. Alhamdulillah, I am so so happy....!! The sign of growing up and more and more towards independent and responsible. May Allah shower them with mercy and strengthen their imaan and amal. Amin.

Ramadhan 1432 Day 6

Kids did their quran reading after sehri for yesterday. A day before yesterday, MS, S and AS did their quran with hub. So I did with PS after sehri. But, yesterday I did with PS, MS and S as AS already did his quran reading with me earlier on the day and also he did his memorization. Alhamdulillah he manage get more surah done in Juz 30 all on his own actually with his MP3. It's just to get him start on before he going to madrasah when the time come.

Yesterday I did Ramadhan lapbooking with AS and S. I found out that missing on art and craft for learning is actually not so good. The worst part for me is the time involve in doing the learning involving too much activity. But, I reckon as AS now on top of the curriculum and not behind, I can now get him more into learning involving making things to put together from the theory session. Also as MS was also on track on his Maths which help a lots in term of critical thinking and sharpness of the brain, I find that i can now involve lots of this into their learning back again. Well, not much for MS in a way as he need more heavy load activity with his age. But, I can still involve hands on learning with S and AS. Also I can still combine the activity for S and AS together with slight differences, so that wasn't bad. MS learn a lots of hands on activity with his own project of making things and uploading video on you tube and he's actually got lots of follower who love how he make things and they all share the information.

What found out about less hand on activity is kids miss some sort of other part of holding on, patient while on mission, organise and planning in better way to reach target. I think I been holding up with basic needs in term of strengthen their education when they are in school. This of course not happen much with AS as he's only been to nursery, but a lots with MS especially and some with S. But, as we moved along, Alhamdulillah they had so much improved and with me struggling with my business before and always we had unexpected event as going back to Malaysia for emergency last October and guests after guests that we always had, had in some way disturb our homeschool progress. This ramadhan really help me a lots as I stop all my business activity plus with my burn incident , I had less guests as I had my incident as a reason not able to entertain. It has give me some space to breath and look back at kids education.

I was quiet happy as less pressure in some way but I can't afford to stop my business altogether but not thinking of reducing it down. UK seems to move towards second wave of recession whatever it mean. But, one things that everybody know and feels here in UK is things getting harder especially when we are homeschooling with big kids. Therefore, after ramadhan I will start to reduce order and concentrate back fully on kids education. Especially S will than officially be on Secondary school term. How time flies. When we first arrived in UK, I was 5 months pregnant to her.

Yesterday we went for taraweeh in masjeed again. As the other night, we had our iftar and meal, which took us about 15 minutes and pray magrib altogether and ready to the masjeed. It's nice to get to see the other sisters although we don't have much time to chat. Lots of them are originally from middle east. And it was nice to see all these sister stand shoulder to shoulder while praying as these sometimes cause problem when someone try to keeping their feet apart to reach other people feet and it cause problem to concentrate on prayer as strong hadith clearly state and most learned scholars already agree about shoulder to shoulder. Unfortunately some of the issue been brought up to cause argument among muslim. Nevertheless , that is different topic and issue from this post but still can be read here:

http://www.central-mosque.com/fiqh/detdisfeet.htm

We arrived home just before midnight. It was a bit tiring actually as in just below three hours we going to wake up for sehri. Therefore it was quiet hard for me to wake PS and MS just by phone call!! Can't blame them as I feel hard as well to wake up just as I felt that we just only went to sleep.

Alhamdulillah another day of ramadhan done.

Ramadhan 1432 Day 5

Yesterday was similar to another fasting day, Alhamdulillah. It was my first longest fasting time in my live and it goes really well, Alhamdulillah. PS and MS also getting used to the idea of them waking up and prepare for sehri. It was just warming up the food and put the dashtakhan or safra as we eat by sitting on the floor. So, although I wake up for sehri, when I came down the food is nearly ready to be eat. Alhamdulillah, I really want kids to slowly grow up to have some responsibility in their life towards family. I do hope that they will grow up to give me the sakina and blessing through out.

Yesterday we didn't do much activity. Hub had put the rat trap before as suddenly we had rat coming into the kitchen through broken vent outside. But, unfortunately the trap actually caught a hedgehog instead of rat. Therefore after hub , MS and AS back from Friday prayer, they we all in the back garden watching the hedgehog that been release back in the garden.

I than start to prepare the meal which at first we were thinking to break the fast in the masjeed as hub are not working during weekend. I made agar agar and murtabak which I wanted to bring as it was easy to bring and eat but do consume sometimes to make. But than we decided to just break our fast at home and go for insya prayer and taraweeh. The nearest masjeed which had woman space to pray is around 30 minutes the minimum drive time away from where we live. PS was helping in the kitchen, also the others except AS. Therefore I get him to go and read quran to hub.

Around 40 minutes before iftar, I sit with the kids and start some learning from understanding quran. I was always be very careful with learning the meaning the quran. I wanted something simple and not too complicated. It's important to learn and understand the quran, but it wasn't compulsory. But, it is obligatory upon us to learn to read and istiqamah in reading the quran throughout our whole life.

In the past year, we used to eat a dates and little tiny and simple food and quickly pray and than eat meal after magrib prayer. But, this year, hub insist for us to eat and than pray. I wasn't like it at first, but I think it's good as it keep our eating time short. We spend only 15 minutes for breaking fast and eat our meal. Than we left everything and cover only the food and go for prayer. Kids than will continue to eat a little bit or they will than tidy up. While I can spend time for doing my amal such as sunnah prayer and read quran. Especially I already spend time with them on the activity during the day. But last night as it was Friday and we be able to go for taraweeh at the masjeed, (because during weekday if we went for taraweeh at the masjeed even if hubby went to the masjeed where man only space to pray, he will be arriving home nearly 12 midnight and he has to wake up for sehri again at 3am. So, our only option is to pray at home as in our town got no masjeed and we always count our house as musalla place for our town.) kids than quickly tidy up after magrib prayer and get ready and off we went to the masjeed in South Sheild. Alhamdulillah it was about 20 + sisters there. It was nice and kids always love to be able to pray taraweeh together in the masjeed. As we not get that environment everyday, I think we appreciate a lots when we be able to do that. All of them always looking forward to go either breaking fast at the masjeed or for taraweeh prayer. Alhamdulillah. Sometimes I do wonder if we should moved to the town that got easy access to masjeed, but it wasn't necessary we got the islamic environment. I think we do appreciate a lots and more when we are far. Plus the manners in around non muslim area we live is much better for some reason. And of course it was the closest town to hub work place.

We arrived home just before 12 midnight and we all getting ready to bed and as usual, MS waking up first this morning for sehri and wake up others and start to go down first to prepare the food. Alhamdulillah for my little incident of hand burn, kids become more responsible that I can now depends on. A lesson which can never been learn even with hundreds thousands of advice or whine. How Allah make it easy for the kids to learn by practical, Alhamdulillah.

Day 4: Ramadhan 1432

Alhamdulillah it's day 4. This year ramadhan in UK for the longest ever for us and for many other muslims in UK as this only come once in many many years. Probably in 15 years or more. We wake up our sehri at 2.30am, Fajr at 3.32 am (day 5 this morning) and we had iftar on day 4 at 9.06 pm. On the first day it was 9.16 pm and sehri was 2.23 am. MS didn't went to sleep on first night of sehri. PS didn't went to sleep for first 2 nights after she able to fast. So, it was a long day for kids Masya Allah. First day is nearly 19 hours!!! But, Alhamdulillah everybody copin very well especially AS who is only 8 years old.

As for early sehri which we always wake up at around 2.30-2.40 am , after fajr we going back to sleep. Actually I haven't wake up much before as I didn't fast and just leave to PS to sort out everything. Alhamdulillah...I do felt guilty but I thought this is the way to teach her with more responsibility and to teach me to trust her and not always be on her tail. She manage, Alhamdulillah. Even this morning, (sehri day 5) as I be able to fast and wake up for sehri, I just call her on her phone to wake her up and get her to go down and start warming up food and serve. During sehri time we just ate in the kitchen. We don't have dining table at home for the whole 17 years marriage. We love sitting on the floor with sapra or dashtakhan. The only things now is a bit hard for me to sit the sunnah way because of me putting on weight! I could still do it with a bit difficulty. But, sitting on the floor enable us to sit the sunnah way and get the rewards of sunnah while sit on the floor. This is the greatest of following the sunnah. Every little things we do , we got rewards. Things that others also did and doing all the time such as eating, drinking, sleeping, going to toilet, if we do according to sunnah, we got rewards. And every single sunnah there are benefit behind especially towards our body and health. And doesn't matter in what age we are, sunnah way got many significant which we always forget and don't bother.

Back to the story: Alhamdulillah, I feel happy and satisfied with PS although I do need to remind her when she stop at MS bedroom to wake her up that she need to go down and prepare food rather than stop here and there! (once they start talking, time fly very quick!). She's 15 years old and I want her to start gaining more responsibility in her and take some of the role that I did. She need to learn this from now on.

Day 4 activity: Again we had to go out as library book is due. We stop by at the library and I just wait in the car while kids just change the book. Giving the old one back and just pick up the one they already reserve. Than we off to Staples in Sunderland which is about 15 minutes away driving as I need to get some more colour paper for activity to come. also S wanted to go to Pet At Home shop just next to it to grab some hamster. She had lost her hamster which need to be put down couple of weeks a go as happen because of infection of it's arm and cause the arm to fall out. We bring to Vet centre and nothing can be done, so they had to put it sleep forever. She was quiet upset. Therefore I owe her a new hamster which as it was 2 for £15 as when we bought before, PS wanted another one which she pay some part of the money herself. So, we got five hamster in the house now!! I should have put some picture actually!

We than stop by at Wilkinson in Sunderland which is bigger than the one in our small town. I need to get some black paper it was hard to find the good one with the good price. We had to go around for all this paper! I used to buy them from car boot sale from this one particular person. But, we haven't done much activity and project for ages. We had some left over but than now we need lots more and we haven't been to car boot for some time.

By the time we arrived home it was 5pm and hubby also just arrived from work. This is because as go to bed after taraweeh finish around 11.30pm, than wake up at around 2.30am, than back to sleep at around 4 am, we do need some good sleep in the morning. Some of us actually wake up at around 10.30am. I usually do but either I stay in bed until around 11-11.30am or I go down to tidy and get on internet for a while. Nevertheless, all of us will be ready around 12 and we usually wait until zohr at around 1.10pm before we start any activity or going out. Usually we manage to get out from the house nearly 2pm and I try to arrived back home just at 4.30pm or 5pm. I don't like being out site too long knowing that hubby already arrive home from work and at home alone.

Alhamdulillah although after tiring walking around shop, except PS who body still to settle down with fasting, take a rest, the others start on our next activity. MS and As get on lap top one each and start to make poster for good things to do in ramadhan, this time using paint. Just copy and paste picture and hadith or write down their using their own picture and writing. I just work with AS. Although he know how to work with paint, it was ages ago when he not using them any more. They used to making things in paint when we had desktop before but not anymore. May be I need to get a desktop for them to share.

This is AS poster. He just copy and paste and he choose the hadith himself and what he want to put in and where. I help him to make the moon as he wanted to have a moon on his poster as ramadhan moon.

S and MS poster will come soon as MS was working on hubby computer and took so long and by the time he was half way, hubby woke up from sleep and he need to use the computer. So he will continue today. After asr prayer, MS, S and AS just read quran to hubby while PS helping me in the kitchen. I was cook much but just top up whatever from a day before.

Hub will as usual read the virtues of ramadhan 20 minutes before iftar. Than follow by halaqah tajweed and doa. He will remind kids of what been read a day before and what need to be do more in ramadhan and what shouldn't. Alhamdulillah this ramadhan is so peaceful as I wasn't doing any business at all. Because of my incident and what had been plan out that I will stop other things during ramadhan Alhamdulillah.

I think as time are very long as well, we got to do plenty of things and get to have some good rest as well, do other things outside the house and still be able to come back home and do some activity and other amal.

(this post been written on 5 th of August for the 4th day of ramadhan as now I can fast, I don't spend time on computer anymore in the night. I will have to update this the day after)